Emily and I both came to an unusual conclusion today while watching a BBC documentary about French people who had moved to England (It was the flip side of their usual shows about the adventures of Brits who move to France). Many of the moves were due to marriage, with some of the people interviewed commenting that the 'exoticness" of their foreign spouse was part of the attraction. It raised the question, if something happened to me, or to Emily, would the survivor contemplate a future relationship with a French person?
For both of us, the answer was no.
It has nothing to do with not liking French people, either! (I can hear the catcalls of xenophobic now) And three years ago the answer would have been, "Certainly". In one's own country, the foreigner seems strange and interesting and even sexy - There is the immediate interest about them of different accent, language, habits, etc. This provides plenty of fuel for early chemistry in relationships, but I've noted that many of the cross-cultural couples I've encountered end up splitting. After three and a half years of living here, I find myself projecting forward more... Thinking not of the spice of waking up to a French accent whispered in the ear, but rather of the grinding annoyances that would build up after the early blush had worn off. She wouldn't like my food. I wouldn't like her movies. Our parents couldn't communicate. What language would children learn? (Not that I have ever wanted any)
My life here has made me extremely find of French people - They are warm, friendly, quite smart, and very welcoming. But, I think the cultural differences are too great, and too ingrained, to ever consider being involved with one. How could I live with someone who didn't like Reeses Cups?
Posts
4 comments:
There are people who don't like Reese's Cups? Hey, bonus! More cups for you!
hey, just found your blog today, through petite....and it's not that hard living with a french signficant other, especially one who has lived in the US for a while!
To Clif - This is very true!
To Samantha - I'm glad it works for you! I cannot imagine living with a Frenchie, though. I have a few good friends who are French, and while I enjoy spending time with them, it just gets exhausting after a while - I find the communication blocks too much work to get past. The lack of a shared cultural history (or pop culture history, as the case may be) would be too difficult for me to cope with in a relationship, I think.. For me, it gets down to all the little things the other person would not get, like references to childhood Christmas specials, events, etc. If I can't say, "Bumbles bounce", and have it recognized, how could I communicate about deeper and trickier emotional issues? I find it challenging enough to communicate clearly between two native speakers, LOL!
I think it is great that your relationship is as healthy as you say, and that your kids will grow up bilingual. I do not mean to infer that NO cross-cultural relationships will work - I simply say that they would not work for me. I can't say, "Never", obviously, but I do know that I would be extremely reluctant to get into a cross-cultural relationship, myself. I know plenty of folks will view this as close-mindedness, to which I can only say that it's definitely an individual decision.
Post a Comment