Panoramic Bretagne, PC Games, and Star Bores

This morning our friend Marie-Blanche sent us a link to Bretagne Panoramique, an extraordinary site that offers scrolling panoramic 360 degree views from locations all along the coast of Brittany. For those friends of ours who visit here occasionally, maybe this will bring back happy memories during the bleak winter months! There are lots of nice views to be seen, if anyone wants an idea of what our little part of the world looks like.
In summer, at least...

The dark, rainy winters aren't all bad, though. We're getting a little chance to play some PC games together now that all the Christmas gifts are off and away to the wonderful world of transatlantic shipping. I am one of those gamers who bemoans the disappearance of the traditional adventure game, or rather, the transformation of the term "adventure game" from meaning a plot-heavy, puzzle-heavy game that required lots of thinking.. into a running and shooting game that requires finding the right keys to open the next doors. Some of my all-time favorites -
Sam & Max Hit the Road
All the Gabriel Knight games
The Longest Journey
and, of course, Dark Fall

One could be forgiven for not recognizing the latter title, as it is a small, indie-production brainchild of one man, Jonathan Boakes. It may also be the scariest horror-themed game I've ever played. I do not mean this in the Resident Evil-sense of "drooling zombies chasing you in hundreds", but rather in the mood of "walking alone through a deserted railway station lobby, ancient wallpaper peeling from the walls, dust heavy in the air, and suddenly hearing the desk phone ring". It's eerie. It also has an excellent plot and a lot of creepy moments once the ghost-investigation really gets underway. One has to forgive the old-generation graphics and simple renderings - it is a low budget labor of love, after all, not the next million-dollar Playstation game.

Em and I have recently started Dark Fall 2 together and.... well, we're not so enthused so far. Unlike the atmospheric original, this one seems mostly dull, but then we're not that far into it, so I'll withhold judgement.

Speaking of judgement, we had the chance to see Star Wars 3: Revenge of the Marketing, and I'm glad we got to see it free! I am still angry to this day about being suckered into paying theater-ticket-money for Phantom Menace and that damned Jar Jar. The guys on TWiTcast summed it up best: "This is the one that sucks the least". That is, really, as good as I can go with the review. I know, I know, I've read all the raves and fan praise about how this one makes up for the other ones, etc, but the best I can say is that it was two+ hours of tolerable entertainment. On reflection (and after watching the much-more-enjoyable Mask of Zorro), the new Star Wars movies suffered badly from the simple lack of a Han Solo... Having all the lead characters be unflappable, always-calm Jedi Knights did a terrific job of corkscrewing the drama right out of the movies. If your heroes seem half-asleep in the middle of a blazing space battle, why should you, the viewer, care? So, we watched (once again) Hayden stumble his way through a lot of horrible acting and dialogue, hoping to come off as an anguished tragic hero and instead showcasing a whining teen brat. Obi-Wan was at least awake in this one, and Yoda was more fun. "Warned you we did. Now, screwed we all are." On the whole, it didn't hold a candle to the TV series Firefly. I hope someone realizes from this that it takes more than five billion CGI objects moving around the screen at one time to make an audience actually care about the characters.

For those who might have missed this bit of hilarity from Usenet in the 90's, I repost here the abridged script of the original Phantom Menace (Warning - This contains profanity. If you're going to get grouchy and write me angry emails about how it offends your delicate sensibilities, please go somewhere else now):

STAR WARS: THE PHANTOM MENACE: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT
>>>>
>>>>                        By Rod Hilton
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> FADE IN:
>>>>
>>>> INT. SPACESHIP
>>>>
>>>>                     LIAM NEESON
>>>>           It is vitally important we enter trade
>>>>           negotiations with the federation.
>>>>
>>>>                     EWAN MCGREGOR
>>>>           I agree.  This one planet and how it
>>>>           trades with other planets is certainly
>>>>           an important enough topic to be the
>>>>           entire plot of a Star Wars film.
>>>>
>>>> INT. SPACESHIP - MAIN DECK
>>>>
>>>>                     EVIL ALIEN
>>>>           Werr.  What wirr we do now?  My evil,
>>>>           obviousry Asian race must prevair.  I
>>>>           wirr not face de Jedi.  Send de droid.
>>>>
>>>> INT. SPACESHIP - BACK TO THE JEDI
>>>>
>>>> A droid enters.
>>>>
>>>>                     LIAM NEESON
>>>>           I sense a disturbance in the force.
>>>>
>>>>                     EWAN MCGREGOR
>>>>           Well, shit.
>>>>
>>>> Suddenly, numerous pieces of CGI enter and begin
>>>> attacking the Jedi.  The Jedi use the high concentration
>>>> of midichlorians in their bodies to use the force to
>>>> destroy the CGI.  They run outside.
>>>>
>>>> EXT. NABOO
>>>>
>>>> They run until they smack into some more CGI.
>>>>
>>>>                     JAR JAR
>>>>           Who might you be?
>>>>
>>>>                     LIAM NEESON
>>>>              (staring in the general
>>>>                direction of Jar Jar, but
>>>>                not really staring at him)
>>>>           I am a Jedi.  There are bad things
>>>>           coming.  Take me to your homeland.
>>>>
>>>>                     JAR JAR
>>>>           I see.  That is quite interesting.  I
>>>>           will guide you to the land from which
>>>>           I have come.
>>>>
>>>> Suddenly, GEORGE LUCAS realizes the Jar Jar toys aren't
>>>> selling well enough.

> 

>>>>
>>>>                     JAR JAR (cont?d)
>>>>           Oh!  Meesa sorry!  Meesa ment to
>>>>           saysa: Weesa can go back to Jamaica
>>>>           mon, okeyday?
>>>>
>>>>                     EWAN MCGREGOR
>>>>              (staring at something right
>>>>                above Jar Jar)
>>>>           Good.  Do you have a hotel room for me
>>>>           and Liam?  We have..uh..Jedi business
>>>>           to attend to.
>>>>
>>>>                     JAR JAR
>>>>           Weesa can smokesa some ganja, mon.
>>>>
>>>>                     AUDIENCE
>>>>           Die.  Die, Jar Jar.  Nobody likes you.
>>>>
>>>> INT. SPACESHIP - MAIN DECK
>>>>
>>>> The queen appears over some kind of thing which appears
>>>> to be better in technology than the kinds of things in
>>>> the original trilogy.
>>>>
>>>>                     NATALIE PORTMAN
>>>>           I am the queen. You've gone too far
>>>>           this time. I will tell the senate and
>>>>           you will be in a lot of trouble.
>>>>
>>>>                     EVIL ALIEN
>>>>           I'm so sorry, Amidala.
>>>>
>>>>                     NATALIE PORTMAN
>>>>           No, no, I'm Padme now.
>>>>
>>>>                     EVIL ALIEN
>>>>           I thought when in the makeup, you were
>>>>           the queen.
>>>>
>>>>                     NATALIE PORTMAN
>>>>           No, I'm whoever is playing the queen
>>>>           at the time.  The voice changes don't
>>>>           help you figure this out.
>>>>
>>>>                     EVIL ALIEN
>>>>           Stop trying to confoose me!  Droids,
>>>>           capture the queen.. or Padme.. er..
>>>>           just capture everyone!
>>>>
>>>> LIAM and EWAN and, fuck, JAR JAR too take NATALIE PORTMAN
>>>> and other members of her staff onto a ship and they
>>>> escape.  They go to Tatooine.
>>>>
>>>> INT. TATOOINE - SOME SHOP WHERE JAKE LLOYD IS HELD SLAVE
>>>>
>>>>                     JAKE LLOYD
>>>>           Hi there!  Golly I'm cute.
>>>>
>>>>                     NATALIE PORTMAN
>>>>           You certainly are, little boy.
>>>>
>>>>                     JAKE LLOYD
>>>>           I'm the only one disturbed by the fact
>>>>           that I'm gonna bone you in episode
>>>>           two?
>>>>
>>>>                     LIAM NEESON
>>>>           Jake, I need you to have a pod race so
>>>>           I can get the parts I need and free
>>>>           you.
>>>>
>>>>                     JAKE'S MOM
>>>>           No, I won't allow him to pod race.
>>>>           He'll get hurt.
>>>>              (pause)
>>>>           Ok, I will. Nevermind.  Good luck.
>>>>
>>>> They pod race.  It looks really COOL.
>>>>
>>>>                     GEORGE LUCAS
>>>>              (attempting subtlety)
>>>>           Oh! Look!  There's a video game of
>>>>           this scene... uh.. buy it!  Hey, I had
>>>>           to sacrifice a part of my grand vision
>>>>           for these movies to include a part
>>>>           that could be turned into a game, so
>>>>           buy it or I'll do it even more in
>>>>           episode 2.
>>>>
>>>> JAKE wins!  He has to leave his mother, which will become
>>>> very important in the next movie.  He also has to leave

> 

>>>> his protocol droid, THREEPIO.
>>>>
>>>>                     AUDIENCE
>>>>           He built C-3PO?  Why wasn't this ever
>>>>           mentioned in the original trilogy?
>>>>
>>>>                     GEORGE LUCAS
>>>>           Because I just made it up.  Speaking
>>>>           of stuff I'm just making up, how do
>>>>           you like the midichlorian bullshit I
>>>>           pulled out of my ass?
>>>>
>>>> They all get into their ship and go to Coruscant.
>>>>
>>>> INT. CORUSCANT - JEDI COUNCIL
>>>>
>>>>                     LIAM NEESON
>>>>           I want to train this boy.
>>>>
>>>>                     YODA
>>>>           Nope.  Sorry.  Too old the boy is.
>>>>           Clouded his future seems.  Vague my
>>>>           worries are.
>>>>
>>>>                     LIAM NEESON
>>>>           Well, he is the chosen one.  He will
>>>>           bring balance to the force.  I'm
>>>>           training him.
>>>>
>>>>                     SAMUEL L. JACKSON
>>>>           Yoda told you no, muthafucka.  What
>>>>           the fuck is wrong with you, bitchass?
>>>>           I'll fuckin' kill you! I'm gonna be a
>>>>           fuckin bad ass in the next two fuckin
>>>>           movies, you know.  My toy has a
>>>>           fuckin lightsaber.
>>>>
>>>>                     LIAM NEESON
>>>>           I'm going to go over your head and
>>>>           train him myself, then. So there.
>>>>
>>>> He exits.
>>>>
>>>> INT. GALACTIC SENATE MEETING
>>>>
>>>>                     IAN MCDIARMID
>>>>           Damn I'm evil.
>>>>
>>>> Suddenly, we see E.T!  This does not make the film HYPER-
>>>> CUTESEY like Return of the Jedi, but CLEVER.
>>>>
>>>> EXT. NABOO
>>>>
>>>>                     NATALIE PORTMAN
>>>>           I am either the queen or Padme now.
>>>>           Regardless, your cheesy-looking race
>>>>           of annoying, unrealistic characters
>>>>           need to ally with our badly acting
>>>>           race of creatures so we can capture
>>>>           this one guy.
>>>>
>>>>                     BOSS NASS
>>>>           One guy?  The climax of this film
>>>>           revolves entirely around us capturing
>>>>           one, pretty insignificant guy?
>>>>           Doesn't that make this whole thing
>>>>           kinda pointless?
>>>>
>>>>                     NATALIE PORTMAN
>>>>           No more pointless than the fact that
>>>>           this entire film revolves around taxes
>>>>           on trade and the cutting off of one,
>>>>           pathetic little planet half-filled
>>>>           with annoying creatures.
>>>>
>>>> They go after the bad guy or whatever.  Who cares?
>>>>
>>>> Finally DARTH MAUL shows up for a prolonged fight
>>>> sequence.  Darth wears black boots, a black cloak, a
>>>> black shirt, has a red lightsaber, wears red and black
>>>> face paint, and has horns.  He is EVIL.
>>>>
>>>> Meanwhile, the Naboo people go after this one
>>>> insignificant guy and we really don't care.
>>>>
>>>> Meanwhile, the Gungans go against a bunch of droids and
>>>> we really don't care except we want the Gungans to die.
>>>>
>>>> Meanwhile, Anakin takes off into space to join the space-
>>>> battle, which is mostly over by the time he arrives.  We

> 

>>>> care a little bit.
>>>>
>>>> INT. SOME KIND OF THINGY WITH SOME RED FORCE FIELDS
>>>>
>>>> MAUL, LIAM, and EWAN all have a huge lightsaber battle
>>>> which has had a lot of effort put into the choreography
>>>> and is thousands of times better than any other
>>>> lightsaber battle in a Star Wars film.
>>>>
>>>>                     AUDIENCE
>>>>           Whoa! This is really cool!
>>>>
>>>> Suddenly, we go back to one of the other three stupid
>>>> battles going on at the time.  Eventually, we return to
>>>> the good one.
>>>>
>>>>                     DARTH MAUL
>>>>              (menacing as hell)
>>>>           Grrr.
>>>>
>>>> Eventually, MAUL stabs LIAM, which is very surprising,
>>>> especially to those of us who bought the film score which
>>>> has a song whose title gives away the ending.  He then
>>>> kicks EWAN into a shaft.  EWAN grabs onto something on
>>>> the side and holds on for dear life.
>>>>
>>>>                     EWAN MCGREGOR
>>>>           Well, you certainly are an experienced
>>>>           fighter and there is little question
>>>>           you could kick pretty much anyone's
>>>>           ass.
>>>>
>>>>                     DARTH MAUL (cont?d)
>>>>           Muahahahaha.
>>>>
>>>> Slowly, EWAN uses the force to grab LIAM'S lightsaber,
>>>> jump up out of the shaft, over MAUL, press the button
>>>> on the saber, and slice MAUL in half while MAUL stands
>>>> there like an idiot and does nothing at all.  He dies.
>>>>
>>>> EXT. SPACE
>>>>
>>>>                     JAKE LLOYD
>>>>           Whoaaaaa!  I'm in space! Now this is
>>>>           pod racing! Yipee!  Uh oh!  Man, I'm
>>>>           so cute.
>>>>
>>>> JAKE goes into a hangar, where the main reactor for the
>>>> ship is kept.  He accidentally blows it to SHIT.
>>>>
>>>>                     JAKE LLOYD (cont?d)
>>>>           Uh oh!  I better leave!  Let's leave
>>>>           Artoo!
>>>>
>>>> They exit quickly.  The ship explodes, which stops all
>>>> the droids and just makes everything great, because it's
>>>> always enjoyable when a serious conflict is resolved with
>>>> a slapstick accident.
>>>>
>>>> EXT. THE STREETS OF NABOO
>>>>
>>>> The Gungans are dancing and such, still alive.  A huge
>>>> party ensues.
>>>>
>>>>                     AUDIENCE
>>>>           Wow!  Watching this party and all this
>>>>           celebration has convinced me that the
>>>>           tiny, pathetic problem that has been
>>>>           taken care of is actually really
>>>>           significant!  Hooray!
>>>>
>>>> Suddenly, the AUDIENCE realizes that behind all the
>>>> mindless celebration and kiddie cartoon bullshit, what
>>>> actually happened was the future-emperor has actually
>>>> manipulated everything, come into great power, and that
>>>> one tiny problem has actually been resolved, but
>>>> thousands more have been created.
>>>>
>>>>                     GEORGE LUCAS
>>>>           Three years, suckers.  I'd make them
>>>>           come out sooner, but I work very hard
>>>>           on my films, as I am an independent
>>>>           filmmaker due to my disgust with
>>>>           Hollywood's commercialism.  Now go buy

> 

>>>>           some Star Wars toys!
>>>>
>>>> END