Timecrimes

Last night Em and I experienced something very odd, our first sense of homesickness for Europe, brought on by the most mundane sight one can imagine - a pan of a supermarket parking lot in a Spanish film. Suddenly we were there, recognizing all the familiar Renaults and Peugeots and Seats... a very strange experience. It was a parking lot as parking lots should look, meaning one where the cars were not outnumbered by trucks, yet at the same time, US parking lots also look "right". Multiculturealism is an exotic and confusing beast, it seems.

Our movie was the Spanish SF/thriller "Timecrimes", one of the best movies I have seen in a very long time and especially great after just watching the disappointing "Knowing" and "Mirrors". In a nutshell, Timecrimes is a Spanish SF flick that will fry your brain. I think it's interesting that so many of the better genre flicks I've seen lately are Spanish - must be something in the water over there. The poster misleads, making it look like some intense slasher film, which it most certainly is not. I can't describe it much without spoiling the whole wonder of the movie, but the very rough story is:

A guy on vacation is sitting in his back yard one day. He spies a nubile young woman getting naked in the nearby woods.



He goes to investigate and is attacked by a scary looking character with a bandaged head. (Note, again - This is not a slasher film. It may resemble one in screen caps and advertising, but it is a very different sort of beast)


Escaping, he finds a means to go back in time, literally zigzagging in and out of his own previous timeline. That's the first ten minutes and from there on out, your head will start exploding. What I loved about it was the fact that I kept thinking, "Oh, this is good but I can guess what will happen next", and then events would unfold in such an utterly different way as to make me cackle in delight. It was all, "Whoah" and, "WHOAH!" and, "Wait, pause that, I need to get my head around what's going on". Emily and I discussed it for a good fifteen minutes afterward (She had a difficult time fully getting her head round the structure of the time travel plot, while I was fascinated by the potential repercussions of the events).

It is certainly one of the very best movies about time travel that I have ever seen, and possibly the ONLY one that fits together so well - It is built like an extremely complex clock, and every little piece clicks into place.

Strongly recommended!

La Chambre des Morts

Here in Brittany, we are currently deep in the grey rainy darkness of winter, when we get all the fun of week after week of overcast skies and heavy rain, but no snow. This winter has been sunnier than usual, however, so I'm thankful for small wonders. Today's pic is another photo from Carnac, this one suitable for use as desktop wallpaper. And if you're wondering where all these links suddenly came from, I've started using the Firefox blogging add-on Zemanta, which is proving to be very useful so far. Zemanta scans typed text and suggests one-click Wikipedia links for recognized terms, so in future our visitors will be able to handily look up things I might reference in posts. It also adds some handy sidebars to the Blogger window that allow me to search image hosting sites for publicly-available pics of whatever I need to show a pic of, for example, Godzilla:

Image via Wikipedia

So, mark this as one tiny step forward for the blog. But to get back to my intro about being mired in the bleak Breton winter, there just isn't a lot to do out here except stay in, TRY to stay warm, and keep the DVD player spinning with good movies. I've been going out of my way lately to hunt down a decent selection of French films, and I intend to try my hand at reviewing a few for this blog, starting today with "La Chambre des Morts".

Clarification: At the risk of being pronounced an artless heathen, I will say that the term "French film" did not initially carry a positive connotation for me. If I thought "French film", the mental image that sprung to mind was an arthouse movie filled with miserable couples who spend the entire running time sitting in cafés smoking and screwing each other's spouses while dourly pontificating on the emptiness of life. Films for Woody Allen fans, in other words. For myself, however, I want to see a good thriller, or horror film, or comedy, or basically anything that has a story and doesn't leave me wanting to slit my wrists by the end of it. Call me Ishmael.

I suspect I am not alone in the above impression of French films, which is why living here was a small revelation regarding the quality and range of French cinema, especially in regard to many of my favorite genres. Today, France is quickly on the way to toppling Japan & Asia as King of the Modern Horror Film - French shockers are starting to come out faster and faster, bringing a French cultural sensibility that breathes new life into even the most tired of genre styles. But today's review isn't really a horror film; it's more of a mystery/thriller, despite being called "the French Silence of the Lambs". Voila, let's talk about:

La Chambre des Morts




Plot - Joyriding jerks accidentally kill a man carrying a huge cash ransom to pay off the kidnapper of his daughter. The daughter is killed by her captor as a result. These events set off a complex suspense thriller about a young female detective (Herself traumatized by a childhood abduction experience) trying to catch the insane killer, who has abducted a new victim, while simultaneously the joyriders must deal with the fallout of their actions and their sudden acquisition of a bag of cash. Very creepy finale when all the storylines converge at the lair of the murderer.

It's somewhat fair to call it a "Lambs" clone, but compared to Silence it was less gory, slower-paced, more realistic, and with less focus on the "serial killer as superhero" theme. The killer was no genius madman, but just a thoroughly messed-up individual... yet to the movie's credit, not that much less frightening than Lector. We enjoyed the film very much. It only has a rating of 6 on IMDB but I'd put it much higher - It had well-developed characters and a creeping sense of escalation that were very enjoyable. It does NOT have action happening every three minutes, graphic gore, or shakycam - instead, the mystery unfolds quite gradually as the main storylines crisscross, and we really come to root for our heroine (played with all the same smarts, deduction, and insecurity of Jodie Foster's agent). If the "feel" of the film reminded me of anything, I'd say it was more similar to a 70's thriller than a modern one, at least right up to the climactic adventure in the killer's lair (which resembles more the good parts of Silent Hill). I'd definitely recommend this one to anyone looking to do some international cross-cultural movie sampling of films that AREN'T annoying arthouse fap. Oh, and for inexplicable reasons, the film is on DVD in the states as "Melody's Smile" - an odd title change from the much more accurate, original "Room of the Dead".

I'll be posting comments in future blogs on a variety of other Frenchie flicks, including La Moustache, A L'Interieur (said to possibly be the most horrifying film ever made), Jet Lag (Decolage Horaire), Ils, Malefique, Sheitan, L'Auberge Espangol, Les Poupées Russes, Fauteils d'Orchestre, Apres Vous, and a number of others in a multitude of genres.

.......................... But what I really would like to see is a French kaiju film...

Trever's Halloween movie list

Just posted this on another forum, so I may as well copy it here too! Here's my recommended viewing list for seasonal October entertainment.

(I should note that my preferences in scary movies is that they actually be scary, rather than stomach-churning, so my favorites list is biased towards older haunted house movies instead of modern gore fests)

The original black & white, 1963 film "The Haunting" is one of the scariest flicks ever made. It is rated G. There is no gore, no profanity, and virtually no special effects of any kind. Nonetheless, I can safely promise that it will freak you out if you watch it in a dark room.

Once you have experienced "The Haunting", you will never again be able to hear its absolutely perfect literary introduction without having all the hair on your arms prickle:

Hill House, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness within; it had stood so for eighty years and might stand for eighty more. Within, walls continued upright, bricks met neatly, floors were firm, and doors were sensibly shut; silence lay steadily against the wood and stone of Hill House, and whatever walked there, walked alone

The first comment on IMDB sums it up:

There is no blood, there is no slashing, today this would be rated "G." But, this is the scariest movie, ever. Every time I watch this masterpiece (and I have watched it over 50 times), I see or hear something new.

The density of the black and white is incredible. The camera angles and reflection shots are unsettling. The score is appropriately terrifying, from the ringing of tiny bells to the cannon ball rocking down the hall.

The cast is excellent. The direction superb. This is horror at the peak of perfection--it is in your mind. The only thing better is to read the book by Ms. Jackson on a dark night when you are all alone, and "far from town." As Stephen King said about Shirley Jackson, "She never had to shout." Mr. Wise is to be credited with bringing her whispers to the screen.

Rent this for Halloween. Or, own it forever. I still have trouble getting to sleep after I watch this.

If you want other great haunting flicks that are big on the freaky and low on the gore, I can strongly recommend:

The Changeling

The Legend of Hell House

Scream of Fear

Night of the Demon

Haunted

Carnival of Souls

The Uninvited

I wish I didn't have to go back twenty to forty years just to find movies that could be scary without buckets of blood and SPFX.

The Giant Spider Invasion

No, this title isn't a reference to that incredibly cheesy 70's drive-in flick that featured a VW bug dressed up with monster spider legs, it's a reference to what we experience each summer. Spiders! Giant spiders!

Seriously, we just didn't have shit like this back in the states - in North Carolina, there were plenty of things that would bite you or poison you, but they were almost totally outside the house. Around this time each year, we can count on capturing and ejecting at least five or six beasties like this. They're getting bigger as "spider season" rolls on, too - this guy was the size of Emily's palm with legs spread out. Supposedly they are completely harmless, if one discounts the shock and surprise of seeing a creature the size of a mouse go scurrying across the floor you were about to step onto.

Want creepy? They are big enough to make noise. Set them down in their cups, and you can hear them tapping and clattering on the walls from six feet away. Fortunately they're pretty easy to catch (in our officially-designated "Bug Cup") and we've gotten polished at snagging them and carrying them out into the yard, from where they probably run right back in. We don't kill them if possible, since neither of us believe in killing anything just for convenience or sport (with the exception of mosquitos).

Today's recommended October horror film is the 1978 version of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers". Starring Donald Sutherland, Jeff Goldblum, and Leonard Nimoy (!), this is one of the few remakes that equals or surpasses the original. Modern audiences weaned on "OMG-Something-must-be-happening-every-second!!" will probably lose interest, but those who enjoy a leisurely pace coupled with gradually-mounting unease and eventual terror should love it. Almost seems like an art-house flick, by today's standards, and it has one of the best endings in all scare pics (My favorite horror movie ending? John Carpenter's version of "The Thing", no question). I'll leave off with another shot of our own little unwelcome visitor...

Let's All go to the Movies

Halloween season is here. The air's turned cooler, the skies are getting that different sort of light, leaves are turning, and all of Brittany is getting ready for the next three months of solid rain. I keep a hoard of "Halloween Season" movies in a stack under our cabinet and they've now built up high enough that we could watch a horror film every night for about sixteen months without letup.... but this is a good thing! We've had a nice low-key opener to this year's six-week fest of monster movies - "The House that Dripped Blood", a classic Peter Cushing/Christopher Lee film that also rolls in Denholm Elliott and Jon Pertwee (in a role that humourously foreshadows the character of Peter Vincent some sixteen years later).

Last night switched gears for a replay of "28 Days Later", a fun modern semi-zombie flick that offers some very creepy moments and a better experience the second time around. Thinking of movies spurred me to look up some info on the latest Peter Mayle expat fantasy "A Good Year", and I thought I'd write a little about expat movies.

I mentioned this topic already in an article on our regular site, but thought I'd toss in a couple more cents. Most expat movies are utter rubbish - sometimes entertainingly silly, like "Under the Tuscan Sun", but as often as not they're over-romanticized fluff aimed squarely at bored housewives wanting to fantasize about moving to faraway lands. For anyone who really wants to put their head into the experiences, feelings, and struggles of moving to a foreign country, I suggest the following films:

Lost in Translation - Already written about, as mentioned above. Nails the experience perfectly in every detail.

Spirited Away - Probably the best animated film I have ever seen, and one of my absolute favorite films of any kind, the film sums up well the life of the working expat. It's marvelous in conveying the sense of alien-ness, the surreal experience of watching different rituals and modes of behavior without really understanding them. Add in the need for resigned acceptance that there is no running away or going back "home", and each new day's battles must be tackled head-on, and it's a perfect mirror. Especially touching is the depth of feeling displayed in the story for the kindess of strangers, those random folks we encounter who decide to help out when they've no reason to. The same themes and "leaving home" feelings permeate "Kiki's Delivery Service" too, and I like it equally, but overall it's a bit more of a Feel Good film that shares SA's victories but not its terrors.

Jacob's Ladder - What, a horror film?! Yet the similarities are unmistakable in the overall subtle sense of unease.... Things aren't quite right. You can't hear what those people are saying, you don't know if the person you're depending on is behaving properly or intentionally causing problems, you don't know the customs, you feel plunged into a bizarre world where everything feels just a little bit off. We tried watching this one too soon after we arrived here, and had to turn it off. Everything was going wrong, we seemed to be losing massive amounts of money with no end in sight, we'd had all sorts of horrible problems, and, like Jacob in the film, I was occasionally plagued by vivid dreams at night that I was back in the US... that none of what seemed to be happening actually was happening, and that everything was still OK. In those days, waking up to the unpainted walls, bare flooring, and escalating mountain of debts and problems was like being punched in the stomach.

I'm sure I'll have more to add in future....

The One-Way Culture Door

Emily and I just recently watched the French TV series "Engrenages", a terrific and complex mystery/cop show. It took it a bit of time to get going, but it quickly turned into a noir thriller that rivalled the best (IMO) US crime series ever made, "Murder One" (First season only...). I wish now that I had recorded it, but maybe they'll air the eps again. Seeing it aired on BBC was both fun and startling - They don't show much French TV or film (Though they are multicultural paragons compared to the US, which would likely never, ever get the show as US viewers whine like mules when presented with subtitles).

Which leads me to the question of why so much US/UK TV and film gets into France, and why so little French TV and film get out. If I flip on TF1 (France's ABC/BBC), I see an unending stream of dubbed US TV shows - Lost, Survivor, even Walker, Texas Ranger - all of these are played here and no one seems bothered by the dubbing, or occasional subtitling. But if I turn to BBC... well, we've had the satellite for a year now and this is the first French TV series I've seen aired. It's frustrating for me, because I want to see more French TV yet I need it subtitled, which means I have to watch what British TV is willing to show. Grr. It leaves me to wonder if it's an attitude problem (Are British viewers as resistant to subtitling and dubbing as US viewers?), an interest problem (Does France just not make that many shows and movies that would interest a wider audience?), or a quantity problem (If BBC has 500 American shows available to run and 3 French shows, the imbalance could simply be in available numbers).

I can attest that there is a lively undercurrent of fun movies here that the outside world seems oblivious of. For better or worse, France has developed an international image as a producer of "art" movies a la française, which can usually be boiled down to "Miserable French cast have affairs behind each others' backs, protest the futility of existence, and then all go out to a restaurant together". (Lest I be accused of being low-brow, "My Dinner with Andre" remains one of my favorite films) But there is a lot of fun stuff here too, that just doesn't seem to make it to English-language screens except in rare instances (Amelie). Taxi, Bloody Mallory, Les Visiteurs, Crimson Rivers, Haute Tension, Wasabi.... France really does do genre movies, and they're both fun and fascinating in their cultural "differentness". I wish there were more French horror films! I can't help but think that something like Wasabi has a better chance of grabbing attention outside France than "yet another restaurant movie".... but then, I suppose if you've established a certain image, perhaps it's best to focus on exporting just that image, instead of superheroines fighting goblins and vampires.

The frustration for me, though, is that my only view into the world of French film and TV is through an English keyhole - There may be a lot more films and shows like Engrenages that would interest me, but I'll never know they exist if they don't turn up on English-language TV channels. And again I say, grrr.

Who's Better?

I came across this wonderful cartoon on this entertaining page about France and the US, and it inspired me for a blog post. What an accurate picture, eh? ;)

People are always asking me which I like better, France or the US, and this is an impossible question to answer with a Yes or No because there are so many nuances to both, and I find various bits of each more or less desirable than others. So, in the interest of cross-channel debate and a bit of fun, here is the start of my 100% biased (but observed through direct personal experience) observations on who is better at various topics:

Movie Theaters
France wins, hands-down. I stopped going to the movies in the US because I always seemed to be spending my $6 to sit next to some fat, loud mouthbreather who spent the entire film describing it blow-by-blow to his buddies on his cellphone, while cybersex-texting his girlfriend with his other cellphone. The last movie I saw in the US was Fellowship of the Ring, just before moving, during which I had to walk back and threaten the spinal cord health of a pack of teens who somehow couldn't resist talking in full volume about their friends and their date scene throughout the film. IMAX may be nice, but I don't think I could put up with an American theater audience just to see it. Over here, theaters are lower-tech (Our favorite just has two vending machines instead of a concession stand, for instance) and they thankfully haven't discovered the concept of selling chicken wings and steak dinners to moviegoers. Instead, you buy your little bag of malted milk balls and then go in and try your absolute damnedest to not rustle the plastic as you munch, because if you do, it will be the only sound in the theater. We went to see V for Vendetta a few months back, and there wasn't a cellphone buzz through the whole movie.

Cheese Variety
This one is closer but I'll have to go with USA, simply because you can get all the French cheeses there also, and you can actually buy cheeses from other countries as well. I don't know if it's economic protectionism or simple snobbery, but it's hell trying to find cheese from anywhere outside France here - Where do I get my Stinking Bishop? Doesn't seem to be an issue of taste, as every French person we've had over who has tried our imported Nacho cheese & chips has loved the stuff (Unlike their consistently horrified reactions to peanut butter). I'm prone to guess that there's a regulation out there somewhere spurred by the French cheesemakers to keep out all those dangerous imports that might actually compete with them. Who knows?

The Child Factor
Sorry to all my American friends, but France just has better-behaved kids. The old saying, "Better seen and not heard" is still in force here, and I am often amazed at how polite and deferential French children are. Our friend Claudie's teenage son breaks off from street soccer games with his friends just to come over and shake my hand when we visit, whereas it seems US kids have to be forcibly pried from their Playstations just to elicit a grunt. I've forgotten what it's like to go out for a nice dinner and have to contend with the undisciplined sprogs of mass breeders stampeding unchecked through restaurants. Between this and the movie theaters, it's like heaven.

More to come....

Beate photographs her feet

Today's photo is our German friend Beate using one heck of a lens to take what must be a striking photograph of her feet. I tried to choose a photo that was somehow connected to the Olympics, but unfortunately all the shots of me bungee-jumping seem to be lost, so this is what I have.

BBC's Olympic oddities continue. Last night, a commentator remarked, "If he carries on like this, he will be a sperm contender for a medal." I'm guessing that he meant to say "firm", but really, who knows? Maybe it's some British thing that I'm missing... (Though I did enjoy another British character who yanked his friend off camera with the comment, "Come on, it's Beer O'Clock!")

Sharp-eyed visitors may notice a new listing at the side, for Recommended Reading. This is a dual purpose list - It allows me to share some of my favorite books with site visitors who might be interested in such stuff, and it also puts a tiny bit of coin in my pocket when people buy these books. Maybe after a couple of years I can get a free paperback from this ;)

Who is Paris Hilton?

Today's BBC Olympic quote is a classic illustration of just how disconnected one can get from "popular culture".

BBC Commentator: "This American skater is the Paris Hilton of the skating world."

I have absolutely no idea who Paris Hilton is. I found the picture at left by doing a Google search for images, and then carefully picking my way through about five thousand hits to find one picture that wasn't mostly naked or outright pornographic. I first became aware of the name a year or two ago when I began receiving a lot of spam emails with Paris Hilton in the subject. I innocently assumed they all referred to the Hilton hotel in Paris, of course (Yes, you can point and laugh now). Eventually I came to realize that this was (in theory) a person and not a building, at which point I assumed she must be a porn star with a name like that (If you name your daughter Candy or Ferrari-Lynn, you know she's going to have a brass pole in her future). I still don't know if Miss Paris is an actress, model, or just one of those people who manage to get in the news a lot. It's weird being so detached from reality - Next thing I know, there will be popular bands with names like "Enter the Haggis"......

And this still doesn't explain just what the BBC guy meant by his comment. Does the US skater spend most of his life flashing his midriff for cameras? Inquiring minds want to know.

Argh!

This is all I have to say regarding the US girl's flub when she had the Olympic Snowboard Cross gold medal in her hands. For those who missed it, well, you could probably hear Emily and I screaming at our television set from halfway across France...

So far I have to give the Snowboarders credit for "Most Entertaining Events". The four person races brought back fond memories of my old days watching radio-control cars race at Hobby Park, where the winner is not at all the fastest around the track, but instead the one who's best at dodging the inevitable pile-ups that erupt at the start and around every tight curve!

Another advantage of being an "international" is that we have three different countries to root for (US, France, and UK), so our odds of cheer at the end of an event are a lot higher, even forgiving the British for their bizarre love of curling. And BBC's quote of the day is, "From the emails we've received, it seems a lot of you are using our interactive service to follow all the Olympic events 24 hours a day... which is kind of sad, really..."

Olympic Oddities for the Yanks

Today's pic is a blurry shot from last summer (And, I will strongly note, pre-diet) of me down near Pen-Bé looking quite like I've accidentally wandered into the cinematography from "Local Hero".

We've had a day of watching BBC's Olympic coverage now, and various differences already emerge from the US coverage we both grew up with. The absence of the US Olympic musical theme is really bizarre - I had not realized that A) What I knew of as the Olympic Theme was actually US-Network-specific, and B) how much that familiar music had to do with revving us up into the Olympic mindset. I want trumpets!

BBC's coverage is much more low-key than the US coverage... to our delight, really. We occasionally swap back to a lady or chap sitting in a cozy room by a large crackling television-fireplace, but the bulk of the programming so far has been the events themselves. Out of a 90 minute show about the Men's Downhill, I'd guess that fully 3/4 or more of that time was spent actually showing each skiier's run. To Americans accustomed to 60% of the programming being commercials, another 30% being talking heads ("Here is Scott McScott, winner of Gold in the 1988 Olympics. What do you think of the new contenders, Scott?" Etc. Etc.), and perhaps 10% of the show featuring the actual sport... Well, it's a much more pleasant experience. Also notable is the great lack of carefully choreographed, heart-wrenching personal stories and mini-movies detailing the tragedies and inspirations behind each athlete, where we'd always find out that so-and-so was racing because his sister's adopted daughter was born with three heads, or whatever. For the skiiers, we got a two minute mention of the fact that one fellow had shattered the bones in his shin and had them replaced with titanium rod, and that was that, on with the show!

Also of interest - So far, BBC has not shown any of the awards ceremonies. The event will end, they announce who won, and it's off to the next event, totally skipping over the rousing flag-raising and medal-giving that were always broadcast on US TV. This is a bit of a downer, as it feels like the winners have been robbed of their moment of glory in the rush to move on to the next event. I'm curious to see if this will continue or if we will get to see the ceremonies at some later point. Congratulations to our French friends, BTW, on today's gold medal in Men's Downhill Skiing!

Americans may laugh or gasp that BBC posts betting odds on the athletes before the events. Oh, the sinfulness of it all! :)

Finally, I have learned from one commentator's true love of the word "scrappy" that it seems to have a different meaning for Brits than for Yanks.

British English:
Scrappy - Adjective, meaning, crude, rough, ragged, ex. "He made a really scrappy jump there."

US English:
Scrappy - Noun, meaning, annoying smaller version of Scooby Doo, ex. "I stopped watching the show the day that that damned Scrappy Doo showed up."

Panoramic Bretagne, PC Games, and Star Bores

This morning our friend Marie-Blanche sent us a link to Bretagne Panoramique, an extraordinary site that offers scrolling panoramic 360 degree views from locations all along the coast of Brittany. For those friends of ours who visit here occasionally, maybe this will bring back happy memories during the bleak winter months! There are lots of nice views to be seen, if anyone wants an idea of what our little part of the world looks like.
In summer, at least...

The dark, rainy winters aren't all bad, though. We're getting a little chance to play some PC games together now that all the Christmas gifts are off and away to the wonderful world of transatlantic shipping. I am one of those gamers who bemoans the disappearance of the traditional adventure game, or rather, the transformation of the term "adventure game" from meaning a plot-heavy, puzzle-heavy game that required lots of thinking.. into a running and shooting game that requires finding the right keys to open the next doors. Some of my all-time favorites -
Sam & Max Hit the Road
All the Gabriel Knight games
The Longest Journey
and, of course, Dark Fall

One could be forgiven for not recognizing the latter title, as it is a small, indie-production brainchild of one man, Jonathan Boakes. It may also be the scariest horror-themed game I've ever played. I do not mean this in the Resident Evil-sense of "drooling zombies chasing you in hundreds", but rather in the mood of "walking alone through a deserted railway station lobby, ancient wallpaper peeling from the walls, dust heavy in the air, and suddenly hearing the desk phone ring". It's eerie. It also has an excellent plot and a lot of creepy moments once the ghost-investigation really gets underway. One has to forgive the old-generation graphics and simple renderings - it is a low budget labor of love, after all, not the next million-dollar Playstation game.

Em and I have recently started Dark Fall 2 together and.... well, we're not so enthused so far. Unlike the atmospheric original, this one seems mostly dull, but then we're not that far into it, so I'll withhold judgement.

Speaking of judgement, we had the chance to see Star Wars 3: Revenge of the Marketing, and I'm glad we got to see it free! I am still angry to this day about being suckered into paying theater-ticket-money for Phantom Menace and that damned Jar Jar. The guys on TWiTcast summed it up best: "This is the one that sucks the least". That is, really, as good as I can go with the review. I know, I know, I've read all the raves and fan praise about how this one makes up for the other ones, etc, but the best I can say is that it was two+ hours of tolerable entertainment. On reflection (and after watching the much-more-enjoyable Mask of Zorro), the new Star Wars movies suffered badly from the simple lack of a Han Solo... Having all the lead characters be unflappable, always-calm Jedi Knights did a terrific job of corkscrewing the drama right out of the movies. If your heroes seem half-asleep in the middle of a blazing space battle, why should you, the viewer, care? So, we watched (once again) Hayden stumble his way through a lot of horrible acting and dialogue, hoping to come off as an anguished tragic hero and instead showcasing a whining teen brat. Obi-Wan was at least awake in this one, and Yoda was more fun. "Warned you we did. Now, screwed we all are." On the whole, it didn't hold a candle to the TV series Firefly. I hope someone realizes from this that it takes more than five billion CGI objects moving around the screen at one time to make an audience actually care about the characters.

For those who might have missed this bit of hilarity from Usenet in the 90's, I repost here the abridged script of the original Phantom Menace (Warning - This contains profanity. If you're going to get grouchy and write me angry emails about how it offends your delicate sensibilities, please go somewhere else now):

STAR WARS: THE PHANTOM MENACE: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT
>>>>
>>>>                        By Rod Hilton
>>>>
>>>>
>>>>
>>>> FADE IN:
>>>>
>>>> INT. SPACESHIP
>>>>
>>>>                     LIAM NEESON
>>>>           It is vitally important we enter trade
>>>>           negotiations with the federation.
>>>>
>>>>                     EWAN MCGREGOR
>>>>           I agree.  This one planet and how it
>>>>           trades with other planets is certainly
>>>>           an important enough topic to be the
>>>>           entire plot of a Star Wars film.
>>>>
>>>> INT. SPACESHIP - MAIN DECK
>>>>
>>>>                     EVIL ALIEN
>>>>           Werr.  What wirr we do now?  My evil,
>>>>           obviousry Asian race must prevair.  I
>>>>           wirr not face de Jedi.  Send de droid.
>>>>
>>>> INT. SPACESHIP - BACK TO THE JEDI
>>>>
>>>> A droid enters.
>>>>
>>>>                     LIAM NEESON
>>>>           I sense a disturbance in the force.
>>>>
>>>>                     EWAN MCGREGOR
>>>>           Well, shit.
>>>>
>>>> Suddenly, numerous pieces of CGI enter and begin
>>>> attacking the Jedi.  The Jedi use the high concentration
>>>> of midichlorians in their bodies to use the force to
>>>> destroy the CGI.  They run outside.
>>>>
>>>> EXT. NABOO
>>>>
>>>> They run until they smack into some more CGI.
>>>>
>>>>                     JAR JAR
>>>>           Who might you be?
>>>>
>>>>                     LIAM NEESON
>>>>              (staring in the general
>>>>                direction of Jar Jar, but
>>>>                not really staring at him)
>>>>           I am a Jedi.  There are bad things
>>>>           coming.  Take me to your homeland.
>>>>
>>>>                     JAR JAR
>>>>           I see.  That is quite interesting.  I
>>>>           will guide you to the land from which
>>>>           I have come.
>>>>
>>>> Suddenly, GEORGE LUCAS realizes the Jar Jar toys aren't
>>>> selling well enough.

> 

>>>>
>>>>                     JAR JAR (cont?d)
>>>>           Oh!  Meesa sorry!  Meesa ment to
>>>>           saysa: Weesa can go back to Jamaica
>>>>           mon, okeyday?
>>>>
>>>>                     EWAN MCGREGOR
>>>>              (staring at something right
>>>>                above Jar Jar)
>>>>           Good.  Do you have a hotel room for me
>>>>           and Liam?  We have..uh..Jedi business
>>>>           to attend to.
>>>>
>>>>                     JAR JAR
>>>>           Weesa can smokesa some ganja, mon.
>>>>
>>>>                     AUDIENCE
>>>>           Die.  Die, Jar Jar.  Nobody likes you.
>>>>
>>>> INT. SPACESHIP - MAIN DECK
>>>>
>>>> The queen appears over some kind of thing which appears
>>>> to be better in technology than the kinds of things in
>>>> the original trilogy.
>>>>
>>>>                     NATALIE PORTMAN
>>>>           I am the queen. You've gone too far
>>>>           this time. I will tell the senate and
>>>>           you will be in a lot of trouble.
>>>>
>>>>                     EVIL ALIEN
>>>>           I'm so sorry, Amidala.
>>>>
>>>>                     NATALIE PORTMAN
>>>>           No, no, I'm Padme now.
>>>>
>>>>                     EVIL ALIEN
>>>>           I thought when in the makeup, you were
>>>>           the queen.
>>>>
>>>>                     NATALIE PORTMAN
>>>>           No, I'm whoever is playing the queen
>>>>           at the time.  The voice changes don't
>>>>           help you figure this out.
>>>>
>>>>                     EVIL ALIEN
>>>>           Stop trying to confoose me!  Droids,
>>>>           capture the queen.. or Padme.. er..
>>>>           just capture everyone!
>>>>
>>>> LIAM and EWAN and, fuck, JAR JAR too take NATALIE PORTMAN
>>>> and other members of her staff onto a ship and they
>>>> escape.  They go to Tatooine.
>>>>
>>>> INT. TATOOINE - SOME SHOP WHERE JAKE LLOYD IS HELD SLAVE
>>>>
>>>>                     JAKE LLOYD
>>>>           Hi there!  Golly I'm cute.
>>>>
>>>>                     NATALIE PORTMAN
>>>>           You certainly are, little boy.
>>>>
>>>>                     JAKE LLOYD
>>>>           I'm the only one disturbed by the fact
>>>>           that I'm gonna bone you in episode
>>>>           two?
>>>>
>>>>                     LIAM NEESON
>>>>           Jake, I need you to have a pod race so
>>>>           I can get the parts I need and free
>>>>           you.
>>>>
>>>>                     JAKE'S MOM
>>>>           No, I won't allow him to pod race.
>>>>           He'll get hurt.
>>>>              (pause)
>>>>           Ok, I will. Nevermind.  Good luck.
>>>>
>>>> They pod race.  It looks really COOL.
>>>>
>>>>                     GEORGE LUCAS
>>>>              (attempting subtlety)
>>>>           Oh! Look!  There's a video game of
>>>>           this scene... uh.. buy it!  Hey, I had
>>>>           to sacrifice a part of my grand vision
>>>>           for these movies to include a part
>>>>           that could be turned into a game, so
>>>>           buy it or I'll do it even more in
>>>>           episode 2.
>>>>
>>>> JAKE wins!  He has to leave his mother, which will become
>>>> very important in the next movie.  He also has to leave

> 

>>>> his protocol droid, THREEPIO.
>>>>
>>>>                     AUDIENCE
>>>>           He built C-3PO?  Why wasn't this ever
>>>>           mentioned in the original trilogy?
>>>>
>>>>                     GEORGE LUCAS
>>>>           Because I just made it up.  Speaking
>>>>           of stuff I'm just making up, how do
>>>>           you like the midichlorian bullshit I
>>>>           pulled out of my ass?
>>>>
>>>> They all get into their ship and go to Coruscant.
>>>>
>>>> INT. CORUSCANT - JEDI COUNCIL
>>>>
>>>>                     LIAM NEESON
>>>>           I want to train this boy.
>>>>
>>>>                     YODA
>>>>           Nope.  Sorry.  Too old the boy is.
>>>>           Clouded his future seems.  Vague my
>>>>           worries are.
>>>>
>>>>                     LIAM NEESON
>>>>           Well, he is the chosen one.  He will
>>>>           bring balance to the force.  I'm
>>>>           training him.
>>>>
>>>>                     SAMUEL L. JACKSON
>>>>           Yoda told you no, muthafucka.  What
>>>>           the fuck is wrong with you, bitchass?
>>>>           I'll fuckin' kill you! I'm gonna be a
>>>>           fuckin bad ass in the next two fuckin
>>>>           movies, you know.  My toy has a
>>>>           fuckin lightsaber.
>>>>
>>>>                     LIAM NEESON
>>>>           I'm going to go over your head and
>>>>           train him myself, then. So there.
>>>>
>>>> He exits.
>>>>
>>>> INT. GALACTIC SENATE MEETING
>>>>
>>>>                     IAN MCDIARMID
>>>>           Damn I'm evil.
>>>>
>>>> Suddenly, we see E.T!  This does not make the film HYPER-
>>>> CUTESEY like Return of the Jedi, but CLEVER.
>>>>
>>>> EXT. NABOO
>>>>
>>>>                     NATALIE PORTMAN
>>>>           I am either the queen or Padme now.
>>>>           Regardless, your cheesy-looking race
>>>>           of annoying, unrealistic characters
>>>>           need to ally with our badly acting
>>>>           race of creatures so we can capture
>>>>           this one guy.
>>>>
>>>>                     BOSS NASS
>>>>           One guy?  The climax of this film
>>>>           revolves entirely around us capturing
>>>>           one, pretty insignificant guy?
>>>>           Doesn't that make this whole thing
>>>>           kinda pointless?
>>>>
>>>>                     NATALIE PORTMAN
>>>>           No more pointless than the fact that
>>>>           this entire film revolves around taxes
>>>>           on trade and the cutting off of one,
>>>>           pathetic little planet half-filled
>>>>           with annoying creatures.
>>>>
>>>> They go after the bad guy or whatever.  Who cares?
>>>>
>>>> Finally DARTH MAUL shows up for a prolonged fight
>>>> sequence.  Darth wears black boots, a black cloak, a
>>>> black shirt, has a red lightsaber, wears red and black
>>>> face paint, and has horns.  He is EVIL.
>>>>
>>>> Meanwhile, the Naboo people go after this one
>>>> insignificant guy and we really don't care.
>>>>
>>>> Meanwhile, the Gungans go against a bunch of droids and
>>>> we really don't care except we want the Gungans to die.
>>>>
>>>> Meanwhile, Anakin takes off into space to join the space-
>>>> battle, which is mostly over by the time he arrives.  We

> 

>>>> care a little bit.
>>>>
>>>> INT. SOME KIND OF THINGY WITH SOME RED FORCE FIELDS
>>>>
>>>> MAUL, LIAM, and EWAN all have a huge lightsaber battle
>>>> which has had a lot of effort put into the choreography
>>>> and is thousands of times better than any other
>>>> lightsaber battle in a Star Wars film.
>>>>
>>>>                     AUDIENCE
>>>>           Whoa! This is really cool!
>>>>
>>>> Suddenly, we go back to one of the other three stupid
>>>> battles going on at the time.  Eventually, we return to
>>>> the good one.
>>>>
>>>>                     DARTH MAUL
>>>>              (menacing as hell)
>>>>           Grrr.
>>>>
>>>> Eventually, MAUL stabs LIAM, which is very surprising,
>>>> especially to those of us who bought the film score which
>>>> has a song whose title gives away the ending.  He then
>>>> kicks EWAN into a shaft.  EWAN grabs onto something on
>>>> the side and holds on for dear life.
>>>>
>>>>                     EWAN MCGREGOR
>>>>           Well, you certainly are an experienced
>>>>           fighter and there is little question
>>>>           you could kick pretty much anyone's
>>>>           ass.
>>>>
>>>>                     DARTH MAUL (cont?d)
>>>>           Muahahahaha.
>>>>
>>>> Slowly, EWAN uses the force to grab LIAM'S lightsaber,
>>>> jump up out of the shaft, over MAUL, press the button
>>>> on the saber, and slice MAUL in half while MAUL stands
>>>> there like an idiot and does nothing at all.  He dies.
>>>>
>>>> EXT. SPACE
>>>>
>>>>                     JAKE LLOYD
>>>>           Whoaaaaa!  I'm in space! Now this is
>>>>           pod racing! Yipee!  Uh oh!  Man, I'm
>>>>           so cute.
>>>>
>>>> JAKE goes into a hangar, where the main reactor for the
>>>> ship is kept.  He accidentally blows it to SHIT.
>>>>
>>>>                     JAKE LLOYD (cont?d)
>>>>           Uh oh!  I better leave!  Let's leave
>>>>           Artoo!
>>>>
>>>> They exit quickly.  The ship explodes, which stops all
>>>> the droids and just makes everything great, because it's
>>>> always enjoyable when a serious conflict is resolved with
>>>> a slapstick accident.
>>>>
>>>> EXT. THE STREETS OF NABOO
>>>>
>>>> The Gungans are dancing and such, still alive.  A huge
>>>> party ensues.
>>>>
>>>>                     AUDIENCE
>>>>           Wow!  Watching this party and all this
>>>>           celebration has convinced me that the
>>>>           tiny, pathetic problem that has been
>>>>           taken care of is actually really
>>>>           significant!  Hooray!
>>>>
>>>> Suddenly, the AUDIENCE realizes that behind all the
>>>> mindless celebration and kiddie cartoon bullshit, what
>>>> actually happened was the future-emperor has actually
>>>> manipulated everything, come into great power, and that
>>>> one tiny problem has actually been resolved, but
>>>> thousands more have been created.
>>>>
>>>>                     GEORGE LUCAS
>>>>           Three years, suckers.  I'd make them
>>>>           come out sooner, but I work very hard
>>>>           on my films, as I am an independent
>>>>           filmmaker due to my disgust with
>>>>           Hollywood's commercialism.  Now go buy

> 

>>>>           some Star Wars toys!
>>>>
>>>> END

Vannes, EU Politics, and American Weeds

(Here's a nature shot taken on the network of forested trails that surround Herbignac)
As I mentioned in today's entry to our pipe blog, we've been extremely busy for the past week - too busy to keep the blogs updated, unfortunately! But, maybe I can make up for that today with a little bit of video. I put this slide show together a couple of years ago to fill out some CDs of pictures and videos that we made for our parents and friends in the states, but I've never posted it on the site until now. The photos are all from our first summer in Brittany, when our friends Beate & Micheal took us to the "old city" area of Vannes for a vacation day. Nice pics, nice music, and mostly nice people! The file is in WMV format, which I'm sure will provoke lots of complaining, but I made it back when Windows Moviemaker was all I had to work with (and I am entirely too lazy to try to go back and change it now). NOTE - This video was taken down to save server space and bandwidth, sorry.

We have to give a delayed welcome to Germany's new (and first female) chancellor Angela Merkel. She's been in all the news here, with everyone wondering which way she will go (not that she seems to have that many options considering the fractious coalition government she is leading). She's vowing to keep French-German relations close, but also to improve Germany's wobbly relations with the US. It's funny - I lived my whole life barely knowing the names of any foreign leaders, but now I follow closely the Unholy Trinity of French/UK/German politicking. It makes entertaining reading, especially as the UK slowly moves into a greater driving role in the EU after France shot its own feet off with that constitution vote. I do not mean to imply that I think the EU would be better off with the UK in the lead - I have no vested interest either way. It simply makes good drama to this outsider's eyes to watch the struggles between the very vested interests. I am particularly looking forward to the next presidential elections in France! Watching someone else's political system at work is a lot more fun than it sounds.

"There is a long, not so noble expatriate tradition of sitting around citing the faults of one's hosts, that is, the people who populate the country where you live."
So opens this book review of 'French and Americans, The Other Shore', which sounds interesting, more so if it is on the level with Raymonde Carroll's "Cultural Misunderstandings". That was probably the most serious, sociological consideration of US & French cultural differences that I've encountered, though it may be a bit outdated today. One of the more amusing insights I've read regarding the difference in national psyches was that the modern French person is like a delicate greenhouse plant - carefully, fanatically cultivated by his/her parents in a very controlled environment, with rigid standards of behavior, constant clipping & trimming, until they grow into a very specialized flower with exotic blooms which is totally dependant on its enclosed environment for existence and identity. By contrast, Americans were said to be like wildflowering weeds - pretty much left to make their own decisions from childhood, in order to develop toughness and durability and the adaptability needed to take root anywhere, at the expense of exotica. A fairly accurate assessment, from my experience! But, to get back to the quoted passage that started the paragraph, one thing that I try (accent on try) not to do with this blog is turn it into a long litany of whining about what's wrong with France or the French.

This brings me to a question - What would readers like to see in this blog? Email me or reply via comment please. I would be curious to hear what people want to read more of, be it food, culture, movies, travels, or whatever. Speaking of movies, we watched "Fantastic Four" the other night and it was quite fun (and nowhere near as bad as I was braced for). I grew up reading FF in the Silver Age years and they were my favorite comic for a big chunk of my childhood. I thought the movie did a good job of capturing the sense of fun in those old comics, before the 90's came along and all comicbook heroes became grim and borderline psychotic. While some of the actors were questionable (Alba as the matron mother figure of the Marvel universe?), I would recommend the movie to anyone who remembers the FF in the days of Willie the mailman and the Baxter Building, before the Invisible Girl became the Invisible Woman and shed her blue bodysuit for a spiked chrome bikini.

Memories of Summer

Here's a little reminder of summer weather, now that we're mired in the rains of autumn. This was taken at a backyard lunch with our friend Marie-Blanche and her family. MB's husband Marcel is a professional chef, so one can imagine what his "picnics" are like! This is also a funny pic because it's one of the few that show both Emily and myself, since normally it's always one or the other of us taking the shot.

Like the pipe pic blog, this is a bit later than intended in being updated, because of me trying to finish up the four pipes I just posted. I am going to be so happy (and so exhausted) when all the Halloween pipes are finished and we can relax...

The last few days have seen a frenzy of transatlantic emailing as my parents finalize the details of their trip here for Christmas. We are trying to cover every detail and provide back-up plans for the back-up plans (Which reminds me, I need to find an English speaking member of the pipe club in Paris who is willing to be an "emergency number", in case Emily and I are abducted by aliens or something en route to the airport). Helping them plan has brought back memories of our final trip over. It's impossible to describe what it's like to be looking out an airplane window knowing that everything you own is on your back or on a boat, and you are leaving an entire life behind. It was exhilerating and terrifying - mostly, it just felt like being genuinely 100% alive. We don't have a lot of moments in life that are frozen in our memories forever. Most of the ones we have seem to stop as we finish with childhood and our adult lives become one long hazy corridor lined with grey doors and bills, without a lot of genuine moments to punctuate it, so it's nice that I've picked up a few more vivid memories to decorate the walls with. People always ask me, "WHY did you move to France?" There are about a hundred answers to that question, but maybe the most essential one is, "Because I did not want to be lying in my deathbed at 85 or whatever, looking back and thinking that I didn't have the courage to live a little more".

And the Halloween movie of the day is............ "Undead". This low budget indie film from Australia was clearly an attempt to do a modern day Peter Jackson flick, sort of "Bad Taste" with CGI. It's a very over-the-top horror comedy, a genre quite hard to do well, and I can say immediately that Undead has some of the silliest and funniest scenes I've seen in anything SINCE "Bad Taste". That is, at least for the first two thirds of the film. Had the last part been as excellent as the first two acts, it would have been a masterpiece of low budget cinematic zombie cheese, but alas, it goes downhill and in about fifteen random directions and by the end, we were just sort of staring blankly at the screen as "stuff" kept happening louder and louder. Overall, a fun flick, worth a rental if not a buy-al.